SermonNotes May 10, 2012

Fathers- LEAD Your Family!

AChallenge to Fathers on Mother’s Day

Sincetoday is Mothers Day, I thought I would begin with some statisticsfrom Moms on their most difficult moments. These results were takenfrom a nation wide survey of moms with children under six.

The“Worst place to have to change a diaper”

47%said a public restroom with no changing table

27%said the worst place to change a diaper is when no restroom or car isavailable

18%said that airplane bathrooms are the worst place to change a diaper

“Mostembarrassed in public”

14%said diaper leaks

52%said unrelenting crying or tantrums.

12%said they are most embarrassed in public when their child asked anembarrassing question about a stranger.

“Wasthe first day of school harder on your child or on you?”

41%percent said it was harder on them than on the child,

26%it was equally hard on both mother and child.

“Whatwould you do with an extra hour in your day?”

23%said they would catch up on their reading

22%said they would get some extra sleep

But,sorry dads, just 7% said they’d opt for alittle romance!

SOURCE: CINCINNATI, Aug. 23, 2011 /PRNewswire A Survey for The Kroger Co.

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/national-survey-of-mothers-with-kids-under-six-finds-128242408.html

Allof us wish our moms a happy Mothers Day.

Whatcan we do for mom’s today?

Ifthe greatest gift adad can give his children isto love their mother.

Thegreatest gift aman can give his wife isto lead his family. We will examine Proverbs 4 as a pattern forfathers to lead their families.

Tobless our MOM’S today, we are going to talk to Dads aboutleading their families. Christian moms love their children and knowthat the best thing for their children is a godly father taking thespiritual responsibility for his home. Dads, our challenge is foryou today. But it is a challenge for all parents – mommies anddaddies who are raising their children together, as well as singlemoms and dads trying to raise their children without a spouse.

Theblessing for our homes come from the Lord. It is brought in to ourhomes when we live according to God’s principles.

“Therighteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children afterhim.”(Proverbs 20:7)

“Traina child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turnfrom it.”(Proverbs 22:6)

“Disciplineyour son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to yoursoul.”(Proverbs 29:17)

Adviceto Fathers from Proverbs 4

1. Fathers,Your Authority Comes from God. 4:1-2

Solomonbegins his instruction to his sons with the full expectation thatthey will listen. “Listen, my sons, to a father’sinstruction” (4:1) Dad’s, we must EXPECT and DEMAND thatour children listen to us. This is contrary to society today whichemphasizes that parents earn the respect of their children. While itis true that a parent can do things that hurt their children and thusdestroy the respect that should be given, from the outset parentsmust teach their children to be respectful of authority, beginningwith their own authority.

Achurch member recently shared with me the slogan from a coffee mug inher place of work. It read,“Respect NO ONE – QuestionEVERYTHING.” That summarizes our culture today, and it isterribly wrong.

Wemust be counter-cultural.

Somesay, “but pastor, it is impossible in today’s culture tomake kids speak respectfully. Things are different. You can’texpect kids to respect everyone. I say that you are wrong.

Haveyou ever been to Chick Fillet? It’s an amazing restaurant! The chain has built itself on the reputation of excellent food andold-fashioned polite service. Like all fast-food restaurants, thehelp consists mostly of young people under twenty. Yet you will findthat every one of them are extraordinarily polite, saying “yesmaam, thank you sir,” and the phrase that employees are trainedto say, “It’s my pleasure.”

Howis Chick-Fillet able to get young people to respond with suchcourtesy? Aren’t these the same teens addicted to X-box, andtethered to their I phones? The answer is in two key elements. First, Chick Fillet provides a powerful incentive. You WILL act thisway or someone else will take your job. The second is even moreimportant. They have created a CULTURE or respect. Everyone in theorganization models this kind of courtesy. It is constantly spokenof. They take great pride in treating their customers well.

Fathers,you can learn something Chick-Fillet. Your children are far morecapable than you give them credit. They can be polite andrespectful. You must do two things. Set the standard and expectthem to meet it. Second, you must create a culture of respect inyour home starting with the way you treat their mother, and includingthe way you treat your children, and even the people you do businesswith.

Today’sculture suffers because we have such a low regard for respect anddignity. Many things are LOST when we do not respect authority…

CULTUREbecomes degraded

LAWLESSNESSincreases

UNHAPPINESSincreases

DISORDERincreases

KINDNESSdecreases

DemandingRespect is NOT arrogant

Itis not a claim that you are PERFECT.

Itmust be practiced in HUMILITY and LOVE

Solomoncontinues in his instructions to his sons.

2. Fathers, Honor the Godly Traditions passed down to you. 4:3-5

Solomonspeaks of his father David and writes, “He taught me andsaid…” (4:4). He thinks it important to remind his son thata wise father passes down the things he received from his father. There are some things we should pass down.

Respectfor others

Ourfamily heritage

Testimoniesof family members

Goodtraditions

Thegood name of your family, and your family honor is a great value. Most other cultures have higher regard for the family traditions andheritage. Americans are so individualistic that we isolate ourselvesfrom our past. Children are eager to move away from home and be ridof their parents influence. Family stories are being forgotten. This is contrary to Biblical principles. Solomon exhorts us tomaintain the value is found in our family heritage and good name. “Agood name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed isbetter than silver or gold.”(Proverbs 22:1)

3.Fathers, Take Responsibility for your Children’s spiritual,academic and interpersonal growth. (4:6-9)

Solomonwrites “Get wisdom… get understanding” (4:5)

Heinstructs his son 4xtopursue wisdom.

4:5“Get wisdom”

4:5“Get understanding”

4:7“get wisdom”

4:7“get understanding”

Fathers,the imparting of wisdom comes through instruction and discipline.“Traina child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turnfrom it.”(Proverbs 22:6). “Disciplineyour son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to yoursoul.”(Proverbs 29:17)

“Disciplineyour son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to hisdeath.”(Proverbs 19:18)

“Stoplistening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the wordsof knowledge.”(Proverbs 19:27)

SEVENCOMMON DISCIPLINE FAILURES

a. Unclear rules. We don’t tell them what to do. We don’tFOLLOW OUR WARNINGS with action! Fathers, do not make idle threatsto your children. They will learn quickly that you do not mean whatyou say. It will leave them confused and always wondering where thelines are. They will be in control of your home and not you.

Instructingyour children should follow this pattern. Tell them once. If theypersist in the wrong behavior, warn them once. Then if they continuein the behavior, discipline them. Depending on the age and spirit ofthe child, this often includes spanking a child.

b. Cancelling out what the other parent has done. Children know how totriangulate one parent against the other. Fathers, be sure that youand your wife are communicating on the rules and expectations for thechildren, and deal severely when your child attempts to use oneparent against the other.

c. Making excuses for your child. When a young child throws a tempertantrum, mommies often say something like, “well she’stired.” We do this because WE are embarrassed. Don’ttake this the wrong way. Dragging a 2 year old through a hundredcrowded stores without proper food and rest will produce an irritablechild. But place the blame on yourself, not the child. And teachthe child that throwing temper tantrums or screaming are notacceptable ways of expressing their frustration.

d. Excessive and harsh discipline. We read, “Fathers,do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in thetraining and instruction of the Lord.”(Ephesians 6:4).

AvoidANY form of discipline when you are angry. Parents often ask, whenshould I spank my child. There is no set rule in scriptureconcerning this. I can tell you that our children got spanked oftenbetween the ages of 2-6. Spanking is to break the will of the child. It is not necessary for every act of disobedience, and it is notnecessary as the thinking and reasoning skills of the child increase. As a child’s communication and sense of responsibilityincrease, the need for spanking decreases.

E. Another common discipline mistake is giving in to the child after apunishment has been announced. We are sometimes by the tears andpity for a child who you just punished. To show our affection, wegive back what we have taken away. First, be careful not to giveunrealistic punishment. Then you won’t have to take them back. The father who says, “you’regrounded for a year”has made a foolish punishment that cannot be fulfilled.

Ilike the viral internet video of the Dad who shot his daughter’slaptop computer as he promised. He paid for it. He gave herinstructions on its use. She violated those instructions, and hecreatively and calmly destroyed her laptop.

F. One of my frustrations in many years as a youth pastor was parentswhose only punishment for their children was to keep them from goingto youth group or Sunday school. I understand taking away funactivities like a camping trip or social event, but don’tpunish them by removing them from Worship, Youth group and SundaySchool.

G. Finally, don’t fight your children’s battles. Let themfeel the consequences for the mistakes they make. When someone inauthority tells you about something that they have done, assume thatthe person in authority is right, without passing final judgment.

Letthem face consequences! It’s the only way that they willlearn.

4. Fathers, Guide your children so they will avoid danger. (4:10-17)

“listenmy son, accept what I say” (4:10)

“Iguide you in the way of wisdom” (4:11)

“Donot set foot on the path of the wicked” (4:14)

Warnthem of Satan’s traps.

Warnthem of their tendencies

Warnthem of the trap of sexual sin

Warnthem about bad influences. “Donot be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.””(1 Corinthians 15:33)

Warnthem about the internet.

67%of children admit to clearing their Internet history to hide theironline activity

79%of accidental exposures to Internet porn among kids take place in thehome

56%of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest inonline porn

29%of working adults accessed explicit websites on work computers

Statisticsfrom Covenant Eyes http://www.covenanteyes.com/

PRIVACYis a ROOT of SIN. No child should have uncensored, unlimited accessto the internet. Fathers, monitor social media. Fathers, monitortexting. Don’t give your child unmonitored internet access(iphone, android, tablet, ipad).

5. Fathers, Don’t Give up! (4:18-19). Solomon indicates this inthe final two verses of Proverbs 4. “The path of the righteousis like the first gleam of the dawn” (4:18). MORNING willcome! A new day will dawn when your child grows into a fineChristian young man or woman. Be consistent in your life anddiscipline. It is hard work to be involved in your child’slife as leader and disciplinarian, but the life of your child dependson it.

Andfathers, if you take this responsibility seriously, and honor theLord in fulfilling these commands, the mother of your children willbless you.